Have you ever asked yourself: what kind of person am I? When interacting with people, do they look forward to seeing you again? When people see you, do they feel comfort and ease? When you join a gathering, is the room filled with serenity?
How can we answer these questions? Can we answer these questions? In this blog post, hopefully we can take a quick journey together to better understand ourselves. Let us try to find a response to the following specific question first.
Are we forbearing? Before answering this, we may ask, why is this important?
Because we all live on earth and have interactions with each other. Through these interactions all of us will be harmed in one way or another throughout our lives. This is an essential part of being human. How we respond to harm will tell us a little about the state of our mind and heart, our character.
Few in number are the people who still hold on to this beautiful quality of the mind and heart, forbearance. This is the quality of being forbearing. But what does “being forbearing” really mean?
It means to be lenient, forgiving, gentle; to be leisurely in manner, not hasty; to be calm, serene; to manage our temper; or to exhibit moderation.
It means to have a wisdom and a forbearance that allows us to control our anger. It is an intelligence that, allows us to control our anger, even if our anger is justified.
Given this definition, are we forbearing? If not, then how can we take a step towards forbearance? Let us quickly look at the following five aspects to help us with the “how”.
1-Perspective
We need to change our perspective on what is important to keep in our hearts and what is not. Sometimes it takes a personal tragedy or a problem on a bigger scale for us readjust our lens. Currently, our world is going through an unprecedented pandemic. Sadly, many people are dying, and any one of us could be a victim of this pandemic. In a time of need, what role do we play? Are we selfish or compassionate? As we struggle, do we really want others to struggle? Have we paused and reevaluated the actions we have taken, are taking, or will take to harm others? Do we dwell on the past or are we looking forward?
If we do not take this time to reevaluate our selves and change our perspective, then we might not ever be able to. Stop looking back and begin looking forward with optimism, hope and love. Be forbearing.
2-Fluctuation
We must acknowledge and know that as human beings we are never in one state, situation or condition all of the time. Our intellectual, spiritual, emotional, physical, financial and any other state we could think of, are variables that can and do change.
Sometimes we are healthy and other times we are ill. Sometimes we are very happy, other times we are very sad. Sometimes we may be wealthy, other times we may be poor. Sometimes we act carelessly, other times we are more careful. This is the nature of human beings. This is what makes us human.
If it was not for this continuous change of state we would not need self-help books, we would not need motivation, guidance, therapy. Sometimes we love, other times we hate. Sometimes we desire, other times we do not. As humans we are not steady state. Our minds and hearts are in constant fluctuation. The key though is to always try to be in a generally positive or beneficial state in regards to our mind and heart. Try to be forbearing.
3-Realization
If it is our nature to constantly change then why do we permanently label and judge each other? Why are we so stubborn and not willing to be flexible with either our views or actions?
People will harm us. They may even go on a continuous and zealous movement to harm us. We have to realize this fact. But more importantly we should, in an effort to absolve those who harm us, bring up the question(s). Is there a relationship between mental instability and the desire to harm? Is there a relationship between mental instability and anger? Is there a relationship between mental instability and vengeance? We should come to the realization that there may be.
We should come to the realization that those who persist on harming us may very well be lacking nourishment to their minds and hearts. In fact, their actions and mentality are only harming themselves. So, it is upon us not to reciprocate their harm. Do not fight fire with fire. Rather, pour some cool water on it. This is the better way. This is the stronger way. This is the higher way. This is the intelligent way. Nourish your mind. Nourish your heart. Be forbearing.
4-Reward
How much weight is taken off our chest when we extend our arm out to shake or hug that relative or one-time friend that hurt us many years ago. They hurt us and had no remorse. Yet, we chose to be the better human and we were instantly rewarded by that feeling in our mind and heart. We were rewarded for being forbearing.
Let us try to always extend our heart out to others. Even if we think, “know”, they do not deserve it. I promise you. At the end we will be the victors.
5-Epitome of Forbearance
What kind of person will we choose to be?
Here is a true, sad, yet inspirational story. On the night of April 19, 2015, in Lexington, Kentucky, a 22-year-old man was killed when he was making a pizza delivery. During the trial, the father of the victim, said to the man who assisted in the murder of his son, “I don’t blame you. I’m not angry at you. I forgive you…” The father then went on to embrace the defendant. Such powerful words and actions. What would we have done?
Let us take lesson from this father who forgave his son’s murderer as the epitome of forbearance. Life is too precious and short to hold onto grudges. We are witnessing this in our current pandemic. Let us live by the following statement:
Have mercy on others so the ones in the heavens can have mercy on you.
If we can do this then we can better understand and/or answer our questions from above. We can take a step towards being forbearing.
